How to Stop "Avoidant Seeking" and Begin True Self-Healing

Have you ever felt like an expert in the language of healing, yet still feel trapped in the same old patterns? In this solo episode, I share a sneak peek into my upcoming book, Never Broken, Never Healed, Always Whole. Together, we explore the concept of the Avoidant Seeker. The Avoidant Seeker keeps us in the loop of constantly gathering tools, books, and appointments as a subconscious shield against doing the actual, internal integration work.

I break down the vital difference between your lowercase "s" self (the part shaped by wounds and conditioning) and your capital "S" Self (your wise, authentic observer). If you are tired of treating your healing journey like a transactional demolition project, this episode is your invitation to pause, surrender, and remember that you are already whole.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why we treat healing like a transaction and expect others to "fix" us.
• The trap of "avoidant seeking" and why our humanness prefers a painful known to an unpredictable unknown.
• Understanding the Lowercase "s" self vs. the Capital "S" Self.
• A powerful real-life client story illustrating the alchemy of surrender.
• The structural rhythm of the Choose Yourself® journey.

Connect with Michelle:

• Ready to stop seeking and start landing? Book a personalized Soul Growth Tarot Coaching session with me to uncover the path your inner observer is trying to show you.
• Need a space to rest and just be? Submit your name to my Free Reiki Grid Requests and allow yourself to simply receive.

This podcast is provided for educational, informational, and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute providing professional medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or professional healthcare services.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Want more from Michelle?
Visit ChooseYourself.com

Find us on Social Media
 Facebook: facebook.com/michelleaalbers/
Instagram: @michelleaalbers
Facebook: facebook.com/JaiDeeWellness/
Instagram: @jaideestudio

Music Credit Through Season 3 Episode 41
Title: Ebb and Flow
Author: Fabian Measures https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Fabian_Measures/
Source: Free Music Archive https://freemusicarchive.org/music/Fabian_Measures/Singles_Album/Ebb_and_Flow_1829/
Licence: CC BY 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hi, and welcome to Hypothetically Intentional, where we ask the question, what if we set intentions with everything we do? I'm your host, Michelle Albers, and today I am going to read the introduction. I mentioned last time that maybe I would read part of the book. I think I'm landing on today. I'm going to read the introduction, and then next week we'll go back to having guests. I have some guests scheduled, and I'm excited about that. Here we go. My intention today is to be present and share um something that has been on my radar for a long time. And I have about, I don't know, 20 iterations of this book. And I've dropped into a place where this is it. This is the book. And it's it's getting very close to being done. So I thought I would share the introduction with you, and I would love to hear any feedback that you have. Here we go. Introduction. Never broken, never healed, always whole. A choose yourself guide to finding your whole self. Welcome to the discovery process of your unique self-healing landscape. We often treat healing like a transaction. We pay the money, we show up to the appointment, and we expect the practitioner to fix the parts of us that feel broken. The truth is, you are the only one who can heal yourself. The other truth is you are not meant to do it alone. You are meant to take accountability, find self-love, ask for and accept help, and discover and uncover you, the whole you, including the bits you have been intentionally hiding and the bits you have not yet found. One client came to me after spending thousands of dollars on healers, therapists, and spiritual guides. She was, in her own words, tired of being sick and tired. She was an expert at the language of healing, but she was still living in a body that felt like a cage. She had built walls to hide behind and cages to step into so she could feel protected and safe. She was in the middle of who she once thought she was and who she really is in her whole being. On the surface, it might have looked like she was simply stuck, but I have come to see it differently. Our humanness is tricky. We have pieces of ourselves that like things exactly the way they are because even if the situation is painful, it feels safer than the unpredictability of the unknown. We build inaccurate narratives to protect ourselves. We seek and seek because the act of seeking feels like progress. But it often serves as a shield to keep us from the actual lasting internal change we claim to want. And we do want it. The question is, how much unknown and discomfort are we willing to accept to make it happen? Are we ready to break down the walls and step out of the cages? The clever ways we find to appear to be healing while staying in the cages and behind the walls is the avoidant seeker. This is not a judgment. It is a recognition of how hard we try to stay in our comfort zones and the lengths we will go to protect ourselves the way we always have, even if everything else has changed. By nature, we forget to consider what we need right here, right now. We are too stuck in the familiar voices of how it used to be and how it has always been. Beneath the protective shields you built to survive the darkest times lives your highest self. Understanding the self versus the self. Capital S Self versus lowercase S self. Throughout this book, you will notice a distinction in how I refer to you. When I write self with a lowercase s, I am talking about the part of you shaped by the world. This is the part influenced by wounds, programming, and social conditioning. It is the part that feels fear, seeks approval, and builds walls to stay safe. When I write self with a capital S, I am referring to your highest self. This is the part of you that is a calm and wise observer. Your highest self is your authentic self, the voice of wisdom for the best and highest good. Within this part of you, wounds and conditioning do not exist. Fear is irrelevant. It is you infused with love, light, and connection to the wisdom of the collective. You might call it your soul, your essence, your wise observer, or your authentic self. It is you in 100% truth of who you are and how you show up in the world. It is you using healthy boundaries rather than being guarded. What follows is an example from a life-changing client session. The alchemy of surrender. In our session on the Time At, my client's performance of seeking finally stopped. I introduced her to the intentional pause, a core tool of the Choose Yourself program. I invited her to stop trying to achieve a result and to just be in her body, exactly as it was, even the parts that were lying to her. What followed was the alchemy of surrender. The walls crumbled, and she allowed herself to feel without judgment. It started with a high pitched moan and turned into deep, breathtaking sobs. Then came the movement. She began punching the time, not out of rage at anyone else, but as a primal expression of a body that finally felt safe enough to stop guarding and start speaking. She was not broken before she started, and she was not fixed when she finished. She was simply in sync with her highest self, and fear was no longer running the show. The structure of your journey. This book is a guide to finding and living from your authentic self. It is divided into three sections, each representing a stage of your journey. The chapters build upon one another to offer a clear and actionable path forward. Help you navigate this work, each chapter follows a specific rhythm. The seed, a thought or question for you to ponder as you begin. The story, an experiential account of how these concepts show up in choose yourself sessions and real-life client examples. Client names are not included. The teaching, an exploration of the choose yourself principles, the activities, practical exercises to connect your inner wisdom with your mind, body, and spirit. The choose yourself integration, a recap of the work and a gentle call to take the next step. The goal is not to fix you. You are not a demolition project. You are never broken. And in the way the world defines it, you will never be healed. You are and always have been whole. The goal of this book is to provide the scaffolding you need to stop running from yourself, lowercase s self, and start living as yourself, capital S self. This is your opportunity to choose yourself in a new and different way and see where you go. Remember, you get to discern and decide what and who align with your truth. Your inner knowing trumps anything written on these pages. The goal of this book is to introduce you to that knowing. You will be invited to know who you are, why you are here, and how to be consistent in your capital S self, your purpose, and your relationships. First, you need to find your wise observer. Have a great day. Bye.